A separation is never meant to send out healthy signs to a family structure, whatever the situation may be. With the growing trend of divorces happening around, the parties in question failing to adjust or trying to validate infidelity besides other reasons, a lot changes the way a blissful family is often pictured. Not that single parents or a second marriage wouldn’t work out into a ‘happily-ever-after’ but the impact is massive when a child of the family lives through the emotional trauma as well.
There are parents who split up early and then there are those who struggle through the marriage somehow for the sake of their children and to maintain the image of a ‘proper family’. What the latter refuse to see is that this can have a graver impact as teenagers may grow up in not-so-loving domain. In most cases, parents handle the friction in their marriage with utter recklessness, reacting in ways that could be a wrong model of themselves to their children. So, a marriage that ended long back or is breaking up now is not the question but how the separation affected the rest is.
In case your parents are splitting up, you may feel extremely void or frustrated and sad. You may be defensive of one of your parents and the separation could shatter you totally. This article suggests on how to cope up in critical situations as these.
Keep your calm
Even though you’re the youngest lot in the scenario yet a stressful divorce might require you to act as the mature one. You might be witness to a very unpleasant act from your parents’ end with them throwing bitter words at each other. You might be the center point of their argument often as they keep on quarreling over who deserves more right over you. Situations like these compel your tiny mind to come across damaging thoughts like ‘Am I the real problem?’, ‘Did I break my parents apart?’ or even ‘Should my absence resolve the issue?’ You need to shrug off such conceptions immediately because what your parents friction about has got nothing to do with you at all. Infact, you are the common factor for whom they are even ready to compromise with their issues! So, keep your calm and let your parents know how their behavior had been disturbing you mentally and why you want them to remain sane even if the situation demands otherwise.
Talk to someone close
You share your darkest secrets with your best friend. That’s fine. But lately, post-divorce, you find that your best friend belongs to that ‘perfect’ family you had always imagined for yourself and she/he might not understand what you’re going through. Honestly, it is okay for your friends to not grasp your situation because they are your mental age and they can hardly offer you solutions for a problem as big as that. In such cases, you must take the help of a senior who you can not only confide in but also be frank with as situations ask for. There is nothing embarrassing in letting someone you trust know about your ups and downs. They will care and probably try their best to motivate you to grow emotionally stronger. Also, don’t refuse help from other family members if they are genuinely trying to take you out of the mess. At the end you have to understand that there is a long way to go and you have one life to make it your best.
Help in any way you can
There are instances when you stay with one of your parents who did not work before but has to find a job for an independent life with you. There are responsibilities your parent has to meet everyday and you may not be even aware of some of those. This is where your duty as a child comes in the forefront. You might have had a very lavish lifestyle before your parents separated but post that you realize how the flow of gifts and surprises slow down. That is not because your parents have stopped loving you. It is time you understand that you are being taken special care of and what is expected from your end is a little adjustment. Do not throw tantrums or be impulsive if your parent is not being able to buy you the three-storey cake like last birthday or is unable to fetch you the play station you’ve set your eyes on. Years from now when you picture yourself, you don’t want an image of a materialist or someone who failed to understand their parent. You want to be the one who instead hugged them and claimed, ‘Don’t worry. I have you and that’s enough’.
No matter how hard you struggle to cope up, the fight is real and you must face it with grit. Don’t let it bite you down to depression. It is needless to say that getting more involved in your hobbies would help. All the tips aside, do not be disheartened. Respect your parents’ decision and give them space. Last but not the least, feel love and spread love!