All our lives , we Youth continuously struggle to find happiness and almost always looking for happiness – in our work, relationships, few times with self also but how often do we actually let ourselves feel happy? It just feels that we grow up feeling more comfortable with being sad or neutral. As a child, it is sort of programmed in us that whatever achievements are accomplished the next step is “keep it up” or “do better”. Very few moments if any our spent on being “happy”.
Why are we so scared of Being Happy?
It is usually to do with what next after feeling happy? Most clichéd response would be “don’t laugh too much, because you will cry double of that”. It is so silly to believe in this since one doesn’t have any link with the other. Why can’t we just laugh when we are happy and cry when we are sad since both are very natural human emotions and subconsciously we also know that neither can exist forever.
In my practice I have often noticed that many people only allow themselves to feel happy for very short periods of time since it makes them uncomfortable. In our society there are so many superstitions that are often uttered without even thinking. My mom often used to say that “don’t be too proud of your victories”, did they confuse “pride” and “success”? I grew up thinking that why aren’t we allowing ourselves the little joys that life brings us? Slowly, I realized that “misery loves company”. You might recognize in your own social settings that people are more comfortable sharing their woes because sadness brings sympathy/empathy from others. So we got accustomed to the state of worrying. Think about how much time you spend worrying about what will happen next? Think about little messages that your parents gave you – you are happily playing in your room and then your father comes and scolds you for something that you did. These behaviours keep reinforcing itself in little ways but did we ever try to break these? I would assume Not, why because we are more often very attached to our grief and preoccupied with thoughts relating to that. We feel quite vulnerable when we are happy and it feels more comfortable to strive for this happiness than to actually achieve it. The habit of the ego is to avoid pain and seek pleasure but on the contrary do we take the liberty of experiencing this. The labels of God and fear became a part of us…
It seems like all are lives we are in a continuous process to “fix things, people, ourselves in order to feel safe and secure. It brings in the feeling that we can control our situations wherein these are quite out of our control. Does happiness actually trouble us because we can’t control it?
Tips on Letting ourselves feel Happy
- We can experience life as it is
- We can acknowledge and be aware that being happy sometimes triggers our pessimistic thoughts
- Learn the root cause of our unhappiness
- Practicing being happy for long periods (when you start worrying about something, observe whether you can reconnect to feeling happy)
- Sitting with this positive energy you feel
- Intentionally heightening the positive energy you feel
Above all to always have the “great hope to laugh as much as I cry”.